I was so disappointed when I read this article https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jan/28/sex-love-communicate-erotic-hormonal-closer-hug yet uplifted when I read the comments by so many people who felt moved enough to share their thoughts.
It appears likely that Olivia (from her her article) has rarely if ever shared a deep sensual connection to a partner or even the man she married, or had children with. Her sensual and emotional side seems stunted if she is even thinking of scenes from Japanese pornography, other men or what’s going on in her partner’s head during their past lovemaking. If her focus is on the way her partner is touching her, his scent, how he feels inside, the bliss of his arms around her then may be she would feel an even deeper sense of intimacy that a fully clothed hug could ever bring.
And if a man ever compared the feeling of orgasm to his football team’s standing in the league table then something tells me neither of them has stepped back to take a look at the bigger picture of what can be. This ‘ it is what it is’ mentality is closed minded to say the least.
Sex as in life is what you make it. True sexual chemistry and life enhancing compatibility is rare to find but worth waiting for instead of settling for a mate who ticks all the so called conventional boxes
Yes a man has a sex drive but so do women. Sadly for whatever reason some women have never experienced the bliss of wave after wave of joyful orgasm in that case then they have nothing to miss……and feel that sleep, work, children, cleaning, almost anything else becomes a priority. This often has little to do with their partner but a lack of personal sexual exploration. Everyone is responsible for their own orgasm.
Men and women who experience deeply satisfying orgasmic states like to replicate the feeling as often as possible…..if you love chocolate wouldn’t you find as many ways as possible to include it in your diet, morning, afternoon, or evening, hunger can strike at anytime of the day when you’re open to it.
Naturally you feel a deeper sense of connection to the person who is sharing these blissful moments in a chaotic life with you.
One thing that I agreed with was her line ‘erotic sex is about wanting something’. Well Tantric sex is about respect and giving unconditionally. When you change that mindset, your relationship changes. When you can feel and share the pleasure that you are giving and this applies to men and women, then warmth fills every pore of your being….that’s when closeness transcends the mundane, this is when making love becomes an extraordinary experience, that’s when the spirituality of a connection overrides the shallowness of lust, and the hollow feeling of perfunctory sex. And this isn’t only achieved through penetrative sex. Making love takes many forms.
And of course the hugs nurture that closeness but maybe if we discussed honestly what we all want from a relationship, then whether it’s just hugs in bed or something more, as long it’s a shared vision then nobody would be unhappily clinging to the edge of the bed for fear of misinterpreting an innocent gesture.
A wise man gave me this insight on a healthy relationship ‘A man needs sex to feel wanted and loved and a woman needs to feel loved to want sex.’ Cold shoulders and an impervious chasm of unspoken venom in the middle of the bed is the death knell in many relationships no matter how many shared interests and children there are outside the bedroom.
Men who are rejected often enough will find an outlet for their sexual desire. And women who don’t understand that write articles like Olivia rueing the day romantic love turned to dust and those who do gain a surety that making love can be so much more than a biological need.
P.S The last paragraph works both ways.
If you’d like to begin your journey into Tantra then please visit my website http://www.artoftranscendence-tantra.com